Fish

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

www.Dates.com

I'm terrible at fishing for men.  I never learned how to bat an eyelash or wink, and if I try it just looks like I'm having facial contortions. Additionally, much like real fishing, I find the process incredibly boring and tedious. Not to mention that if you do manage to catch anything it's still just a fish in the end and you're probably better off throwing it back. 

So... I decided why not give online dating a real opportunity? It allows me to throw lots of fish back, without having to attempt to be flirtatious or approachable, since my profile picture does all of that for me. 

After a couple of weeks of messaging back and forth with a few options, I finally gave my number to two perfect strangers that seemed to be who they said they were in their profile, and whose responses somewhat amused me.

Date Five: Joe D.


Type of Date: Dinner and Drinks
Transportation: Definitely drive somewhere public and meet up at the place

Average Rating: 7

Location 7: 
After quite a bit of indecisive texting back and forth about different places we could meet at, it was decided we would meet in Westminster at a Pho place with relatively good Yelp reviews that was open past 8pm.  The nice thing about this meet up location was that there was no pressure to dress up as if it were a real date, I wore jeans and flats (in case I needed to run for my life) a tank and a sweater.  The bad thing about this location, is that you had to sit across from a person you'd never met before and slurp up pho. There was a Vietnamese outdoor night market across the street from the Pho place where we could hear people kareoking to their favorite  Asian versions of American songs, which added entertainment and a place to walk to around after dinner.

Etiquette: 7
I think he insisted on paying for dinner, I'm not sure, it was done in a very awkward manner, first because we had to stand up to pay the check and then because the lady at the register seemed angry and apathetic at the same time.  He seemed to shrug off my card, but not in a confident "I got this" way, more in a strange no eye contact way. Being that this was an online dating website date, I had a hard time gauging exactly what is appropriate. He seemed respectful of my caution and was not intimidating in any way. I have to say, I don't recall if doors were opened or not as I was too busy fighting every survival instinct telling me not to meet with Internet strangers.

Conversation: 7.5
I know I've used to word awkward to describe a date before, but this kind of took the cake in a strange way. Conversation was, choppy. There were moments where our chat was easy-flowing and friendly and there were moments where it was mumbling and staring off to avoid eye contact.  Subjects stayed very neutral, revolving around school and work, and though he was not necessarily outgoing he took initiative in asking questions. Overall, I think I enjoyed myself and found talking to him did not require too much effort.

Beginning, Flow and End: 6.5
Weird, but a mutual understanding that we were both socially awkward people seemed to help. Instead of talking on the phone, his primary mode of communication seemed to be text. Which works out for me because who wants to be hearing the voice and breathing of a complete stranger? He texted me to let me know he was running late, and I texted him to meet me at the entrance.  Upon meeting it was unclear whether a hug, handshake or a high-five would be appropriate so it was settled with a far away arms-length hug.   We had a pleasant enough time at dinner and walking around at the festival to where it seemed okay to try to hang out afterwards (We were done doing all of this at about 9:30pm).  We tried yelping bars in the area. After failing at that, we settled for Lucille's at the Long Beach Town Center. We drove separately,  grabbed a drink, and continued to talk about neutral stuff, until they closed the bar (around 11pm). I decided to go to the bathroom before we walked out. When I came out of the bathroom he had disappeared and I found myself alone in an empty bar with the seats on the tables.  Naturally, I walked out.  Since he was M.I.A. outside, I started inching towards my car.  He came out shortly after, with a "Hey wait! I decided to use the bathroom too."  I replied "Okay, have a good night!" and then a hug as equally awkward and strange as the first was interchanged before we both kind of ran to our cars.

Summary:
Online dating is intimidating.  I think it's partially because exchanging messages with a person online is a little too easy.  You are quite aware that you never know what is actually on the other end. I imagine it is a little like online shopping, which I also refuse to do.  The picture and description can look nice on your computer screen, easy to find and relatively cheaper than your in store option, but until you get it delivered you can't be sure it will fit or look good on you.   However, there is some intrigue and a bit of a rush you get when taking a risk.   I cannot say I am fully open to online dating every guy with a cute picture that messages from here on out, but I might be less hesitant to consider. I might even consider a second date with Joe D., being that he asks for one.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

It gets easier but not necessarily better

So after a long hiatus I'm back in the game. And not a moment too soon according to the advice of everyone who is older than me and married.  The downside of being 26 and in charge of telling parents (especially Latino parents) what to do with their kids, is that I constantly get asked if I have kids of my own. The next natural question is always whether I'm married or not.  I've seen this be asked of other childless people that are married and for some reason that seems to appease parents, but the answer "no" always seems unsettling to them. I've even had a lady say "Well how old are you? You better hurry up!" 

Lately, with everyone around me getting married or pregnant, my clients' parents have taken to "encouraging" me.  I accompanied a therapist to her last visit to a client's home before she went on maternity leave and made the mistake of saying "Congratulations, that is so exciting!" Soon afterwards, the mom pulled me aside and said with a very serious look of concern and pity, "Don't worry! Soon that will be you too!" Being that I still find pregnancy highly unappealing, to be politically correct all I could do was laugh politely and shake my head, "Oh no, not quite yet."  She insisted "Yes don't worry, you'll see, probably by next year!" I gave her a shrug and a semi-sarcastic one can only hope look.

The cherry on top to this recent streak of hit and run well wishers was the complete stranger on the airplane on the way back from my sister's wedding who was appalled that my younger sister had beat me to getting married. He also asked me how old I was packed with the what's wrong with you? tone.  He then continued to spill everything he knew about marriage into my ear. Some of the highlights were advice on not letting someone impregnate me and leave me.  Of course I always try to smile politely and take it because it is difficult to explain my views on marriage to people that are so thoroughly convinced that  my happiness is hinged on this institution. Yesterday while watching Frida, I heard a wedding toast that would be my ideal response to these people:

I don’t believe in marriage. No, I really don’t. Let me be clear about that.

I think at worst it’s a hostile political act, a way for small-minded men to keep women in the house and out of the way, wrapped up in the guise of tradition and conservative religious nonsense.

At best, it’s a happy delusion. These two people, who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they are about to make each other.

But, when two people know that, and they decide with eyes wide open to face each other and get married anyway, then I don’t think it’s conservative or delusional. I think it’s radical and courageous…and very romantic.

Hence, marriage for me is a possibility (if I were to find the right like-minded individual that could put up with my idiosyncratic crazy) but by no means a necessity.

I won't be sharing this speech at my upcoming appearance as a bridesmaid at a friend's wedding, though I expect I'll get plenty more hit and run advice in the near future. With that in mind my most recent date was set up by that engaged friend, with a friend of her fiance whom she described as "a very nice guy."

Date Four: Joe C.

Type of Date: Group Date, Drinks and a Show (Dueling Pianos)
Transportation: Met up at the place
Average Rating: 5.5


Location: 8

I have to give myself kudos on this one. Anticipating from everyone's comments, that this might not be a guy I was really going to hit it off with, I chose a place that I enjoy regardless of who I am with and provides a fun loud atmosphere without too much pressure for conversation. Sgt. Pepper's in Long Beach, a dueling pianos show. I have to admit I had fun. The drinks and food aren't great but it makes up for it in fun. The best part is you are just sitting there watching and singing along so you can see how good of a sport your date is (does he play along?) without dancing or interacting on a physical level at all.  I would definitely chose this location again for an easy, no pressure date. The only down side is it's not easy to hear your date talk, but as I learned on this date, that can be an upside too.


Etiquette: 5

There is no denying it. Joe C. was a very nice guy. He was polite, pleasant, helped pull my chair out when I had to run the restroom and walked me to my car after we exited. However there was nothing particularly charming or even indicative of the fact that it was a "date" in his manner.  He was friendly and his etiquette was perfectly acceptable for a friend that you are just hanging out with and that's what this definitely felt like. This lands you smack in the middle of my rating system. You don't loose points for being rude, but you don't get any for going above and beyond.


Conversation: 4

This is where it went downhill. My general rule for talking about exes is wait until the second date and briefly touch on them if necessary. Now, granted the place didn't allow for alot of talking, but one of the first 3 things you lean in and tell me shouldn't be how the song "F-U" by Cee-lo reminds you of your ex-girlfriend because you just ran into the guy she is now dating. I get a rough break-up, it's hard to think about anything else, but trust me on this, using your date as your shoulder to cry on  kills any potential for any romantic involvement EVER. The topics of the night revolved around his cheating ex-girlfriend and drunk stories that weren't really very good drunk stories. Here is an example of a good drunk story:  One night I went out with my friends and got so drunk we ended up skinny dipping in my neighbors pool and forgot where we put our clothes. So afterwards, we were wandering around in his yard for 15 minutes naked looking for them.  It's a nice full story about being drunk and something interesting happening as a consequence. Here is an example of a not so good drunk story:  This song always reminds me of one time when my friend and I were drinking and this song came on, so everytime I hear this song I think about how drunk I was that night.  I got multiple stories of the latter kind. Like I said before, he was perfectly nice, but I didn't find we had much in common or much to talk about, and if you think I'm going to spill my sorrows out and bond with you based on mutual heartbreak you are barking up the wrong tree. I don't like to be sad. And that is what I told him with a laugh at the end of the night when he suggested we could hang out again and complain about things.


Beginning, Flow and End: 5

Due to my excellent choice of location, this actually all went well.  I got to the place, shook his hand and settled right in and began singing and drinking.  Although I insisted they need not walk me to my car, my friend insisted and Joe C. ended up walking me to my car, only to tell me more details about his break up and ask about mine.   I drove him to his car, and the drop off was kind of awkward since he asked for my number.  I gave it to him and encouraged him to take time for himself and meet lots of new people while he gets over his ex.


Summary:

I have a friend that Joe C. reminded me of. He persistently has a crush on some girl or another but doesn't really know how to step up and follow through with making it happen.  The girls he ends up with are always some version of an aggressive crazy slut that dangles him like a puppet only to dump him when some other guy comes along.  My friend is also a nice guy, and people seem to mistake that correlation for causation with the whole "nice guys finish last." The truth isn't that "niceness" is the problem, its that a lack of confidence and common sense mixed in with a good amount of self pity  is utterly unsexy. Joe C. let me know that his ex-girlfriend was with him for convenience and "job security" and cheated on him several times in his relationship, yet before someone filled him in, he was on the path to marriage with her. The fact that you can be in a relationship for five years with such a horrible person and not figure it out, quite frankly, calls your judgement into question.  I can be friends with Joe C. and like with my other friend, I can tell it to him straight anytime he needs it, but romantically this was a definite bust.

 On the bright side, I am getting used to this whole first date thing. The nervousness, while still there is not any queasiness associated with it. So I am ready to continue. Bring on the happy delusions.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Just Fine

You wouldn't believe it, but working long hours and staying in to watch Netflix and do Jillian Micheals workout videos with your roommate followed by heavy binging on snacks doesn't add up to picking up very many dates. Crazy, right? Luckily, I have a married friend that is much better at both going out and flirting than I am.  She managed to go out once without her husband and pick up a date for me. Joe B., the friendly, currently unemployed, ex-marine bachelor first agreed to meet me and a couple of friends at a bar. Technically, I won't consider this a date, more of an arranged pick up.  Despite my initial hesitance, I found he was refreshingly easy to talk to (especially after my borderline comatose previous experience).  His topic of choice was movies for most of the night, but that wasn't a problem because Eva Mendez's bad acting (which is not compensated for by her looks!) and cheesy romance movies with unfair stereotypical expectations for women (women should be able to sleep around a little before realizing the love of their life was that guy they didn't want to fall for) gave me enough room to display my crazy and gauge a reaction.  He laughed and we ended up going to three different bars. By the end of the night, though I did not feel anything that resembled a fire in my pants, I did feel I had made a new friend. I gave him my number and a weekend later after various texts:


Date Three: Let's call him Joe B.



Type of Date: Movie and Dinner Date
Transportation: Drove together in a car that kept turning off at stoplights.
Average Rating: 7.25

Location: 6
Joe B. offered to pick me up in Long Beach and go from there. We tried dinner on 2nd street, where unfortunately it started pouring down. After getting soaked attempting to walk to a restaurant with a 45 minute wait time and very limited indoor seating, we re-evaluated our options and settled for CPK.  We arrived there with soaked jackets which was uncomfortable in the pleather booth.  I asked him to choose the food and we ended up sharing a buffalo chicken pizza and avocado eggrolls and had a cocktail each. I have to admit, his taste seemed a bit lackluster for being five years my senior, but at that point I wasn't sure if he was catering to the type of taste he thought I would have. We then headed to watch 127 Days and stopped in at a bookstore while we waited for it to start to participate in one of my favorite activities: Romance Novel Contests. The game is simple, you go to the romance novel section and each of you picks the romance novel with the cheesiest description/plot you can find. Then you battle them by reading them out loud in your sultriest voice and see who picked the worst one. Joe B. was slightly embarrassed, yet a good sport. The movie was hard to watch but luckily my date was easy to laugh with. We finished off the night by talking in his car for a couple hours until I absolutely had to head inside to pee/sleep.

 Etiquette: 8
He offered to pay for dinner but conceded to me putting in my part when I said he could pay my movie ticket. Though not stellar, these are perfectly acceptable date manners. He opened the car door to let me in, which I have luckily learned to accept with a feign of grace (this was completely awkward for me a year ago considering chivalry is dead for us long term girls with long term complacent boyfriends). When we got to my place after the movie, I offered for him to drop me off in front of my apartment building. He insisted on parking, and walking me to my door, but after we parked he sort of lingered. "I would offer for you to come in, but my roommate and I have rules." Luckily he politely he did not ask what these rules were or I would have had to think on my feet of something credible.  Despite us sitting in his car for so long, he did not push for physical contact and left gracefully after an awkward hug at my gate.


Conversation: 8
Like I said before he was very easy to talk to. Dinner conversation centered mostly around movies (again) and jokes about the rain. He also managed to laugh and tease me about the fact that I said he was in the "army" (apparently getting your military sectors wrong is a huge no-no in some circles).  In the car the conversation turned to family, friends and the dreaded and ill-advised exes.  It wasn't that bad, although he did test the waters by sharing a bit more than was necessary about hooking up at times.  Aside from this I was genuinely surprised by how much (just sheer quantity) I could talk  with this guy. Granted, none of it was on an intellectual or existential level. But it was fun.


Beginning, Flow and End: 7
It was a rough start with the rain and the car that stopped at stoplights (I prayed it would not stop at an intersection, although he swore it drove fine on the freeway). Once we settled into a groove, the date progressed naturally, though I'm afraid not romantically. The drop off was a bit awkward, but overall the date felt comfortable.

Summary:
I've learned cheerfulness accompanied by a side of easygoing is a must! A guy has to be easy to talk to and have something that resembles a sense of humor.  Although I am a naturally happy person, I am not necessarily gregarious or even cheerful. That energy has to come from the person I'm with in order to balance me out. Otherwise I'm just a serious, inappropriately sarcastic log.  Once again, there were no sparks, but there was also no real awkwardness.  Furthermore, at least on my end, there was a general sense of friendship that is a basic necessity when you are considering someone, whether it be for just this one date, or several, or a relationship. Although I don't think the latter is an option (due to the lack of the  aforementioned fire in my pants) it reassured me that not all dates are terrible, and although I've yet to go on a dizzying, breathtaking, love igniting, perfect date, some dates can be just fine.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Downhill


I like to semi-regularly get a bikini wax. I shouldn't say like, because like most maintenance routines women undergo in the name of beauty it is thoroughly unpleasant. Luckily I have a charming, wonderfully gifted bikini waxer who gets me through the process every time. She is always the right combination of sympathetic and efficient.  Instead of several small sectional patches of wax she will always try to do four large patches.  As I cringe, when I feel the large chunk of wax that is going to have to be yanked off, she reassures me, "It hurts a little more, but you get it over with faster!"  Similarly, when recounting a bad date, like a strip of wax, I figure it should be pulled off in one fluid movement in order for the sting to be properly felt. Therefore I will begin with the summary instead of discussing it piece by piece.


Date Two:  Second Date with Joe A.

Type of Date: Movie Date

Transportation: Drive individually and meet there

Summary:
      I went on a second date with Joe A. in search of an answer to the question posed by my previous blog. If there is nothing terribly wrong but also nothing terribly right about a guy  is that enough to justify a second date? After a few puzzlingly flirtatious texts (ranging from calling me an old lady to saying he would brave polluted water surfing for me) we decided to go to a movie on a Saturday night at seven. Around six o'clock I get a text from Joe A., saying a buddy had flown in from out of town and if there was anyway we could meet later.   By that time I had received a more enticing offer to go out to a club with friends to find more candidates to date. I tried to smoothly weasel out of my date by saying he should hang out with his friend and we could always go to a movie on Sunday. He curtly responded "Yeah, I can't really go out Sunday." So the 8:10 showing of Mega Mind (my movie pick) it was.  When I asked him if he wanted to meet there instead of offering some form of driving together he simply agreed.  Disappointing because the theaters we were meeting at charge anywhere from 7 to 12 dollars for parking, but at this point there was no turning back without looking plain rude. 
      Unfortunately my date didn't share my vigor for etiquette. Contrary to character, I punctually exited my car at the parking structure at exactly 8:10 pm. I texted Joe A."I'm here" and headed for the theater. I should mention that also contrary to character, California was especially chilly that night.  This annoyed me as I waited out in front of the theater until I received a call from Joe A. at about 8:15 pm. He let me know he was still at the train station dropping off his buddy and would be 15 minutes late, but I should go ahead and get the tickets. I try to refrain from using emoticons but = O covers it in this case. I bought the tickets and headed inside to wait for Joe A. who showed up 40 minutes late (8:50).  He did offer to pay me for his ticket but by this time, I was so over it I figured we'd just call it even for the dinner he had gotten last time. We sat through Mega Mind which I actually quite enjoyed once I got past the fact that I had missed the first 20 minutes of it. 
      As we walked out Joe A. asked what I wanted to do, curious to see how much further downhill a date could go, I let him decide (perhaps a drink to make up for being so late?). He decided we should go back to his place. FAIL.  Regardless, in the name of research I agreed.  Not that he offered guide me there, he simply threw out his cross streets.  Needless to say as I drove there I went through several exit strategies in my head. I settled on having my sister call me and say I had to pick her up. Unfortunately my phone was low on battery at this point. So I entered his place and asked if I could borrow his electrical outlet. Afterwards, I sat across the couch from him.   We held a conversation that was as equally awkward as our first only there was a lot more pressure for physical proximity being that we were sharing a sectional with no table in between us.   I anxiously watched the clock and stalled for as long as I could. He failed to offer me a drink, alcoholic or other so naturally I asked for water. Avoiding physical contact is a lot easier with a glass in your hand.  He did not however fail to offer me a "full tour" of his place. I looked around and said "I think I can pretty much see all of it from here." 
      "Well you haven't seen the bedroom."
       "Oowp. Looks nice." I responded cocking my head to the side and looking into the door with the unmade bed inside.  With 10 minutes on the clock I did allow for some making out. He was a bit grabby and I stopped him to ask if he felt like it was a bit fast.  He did not, so I pressed him into telling him what he felt the typical male expectation of the progression of physicality was. This is what I learned: 1) First date: A kiss 2) Second Date: Kissing and "more" 3) Third date: All the way. To his credit, he was respectful about the fact that I was not comfortable with that progression. Regardless, when my phone rang at 11 I might have smiled as I dove to answer the call of my ailing sister that needed a ride.  He walked me out and wished my sister well.

Location: 5
 Under different circumstances, the Pike in Long beach is a perfectly nice place to go on a movie date. Not to mention it provides ample places to hang out after the movie.

Etiquette: 3
This score was a bit lower until my friend recounted her bad date that she needed rescuing from. Her date actually took her for a drive after dinner and pulled into a motel 6.  So taking the gender as a whole into consideration, things could have been much worse.

Conversation: 3
I must admit I was secretly amused for some parts of it.  The highligts including his bragging continously about having partial ownership of the building and him praising his neatness, especially since he no longer has a cleaning person.  Considering he is looking for a job, I am asuming both of these things are not due to his personal merit but that of his parents. At a certain age this seizes to be impressive to girls. To be honest, I don't know to what extent my amusement/disdain was a secret as I have very little control over my facial expressions.

Beginning, Flow, and End: 2
Need I explain?

Average Rating for the Date: 3.25 out of 10

Things I've learned: If you have a feeling it's going to be a bad date, it probably is going to be a bad date. The signs are simple and the feeling you get is very similar to the one you get when you see the hot wax next to the waxing bed. This is probably going to be painful.  Regardless, taking risks is necessary in the world of dating  as is pain, but always, and I mean always, have an exit strategy.   Needless to say, there will be no third date with Joe A., my bikini is a bit too coy for the three date progression.   

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Starting Line

I should make a disclaimer that on this dating experiment I will not be rating the men I go on dates with (it seems cruel given the circumstances) but rather simply will rate the dates themselves. I will also pull likes, dislikes, must haves and must nots as I find them. My goal is twenty dates.

Date One: Lets call him Joe A.

Type: Tuesday night, after work dinner date
Transportation: Drive individually and meet there
Average Rating for the Date: 6.5 out of 10

Location: 7
We met up to a local Mediterranean restaurant with outdoor seating. In theory, a good idea, but the place fell into the pitfall of most places with limited seating, where the table puts you further across from the person you are there with than from the stranger sitting at the next table over. This is annoyingly distracting to me, both because I'm an incurable eavesdropper and also because "get to know you" conversations are sufficiently awkward when only two people are involved. So my date and I, and the couple next to us sat eating dinner and pretending not to hear everything the others said. The food was good, although the meat on my plate looked a bit like large animal droppings on top of rice which didn't help me up the attraction factor I'm sure.

Etiquette: 9
My date insisted on paying for dinner which surpasses the baseline requirement for first dates of offering to pay for dinner. The little conversation that there was, was kept neutral and no inappropriate questions were asked. More importantly for a touch-a-phobe like myself, personal space was respected although the motive (whether it was out of respect or just lack of interest ) was sketchy.

Conversation: 5
Well, there was some of it.  I am many things but a natural conversation starter is not one of them.  It's like using green wood as a fire starter. Mostly topics were initiated by me, which gives you an idea of how everything played out.

Beginning, Flow and End: 5
One word: Awkward.
For starters, it did not help that Joe A. seemed to not recognize me as I walked up the street to the restaurant, so I had to wave in his face as he passed me. Throw in a scattering of awkward silent moments while we ate, and then a very baffling invitation to his apartment after dinner which I deflected with inviting him to walk down towards the beach instead, and we had quite the formula for discomfort. For the grand finale he walked me to my car where we stood awkwardly (redundant adverb, I know, but accurate) for a couple of minutes until I offered to drop him off at his car. I should mention my car was uber dirty, I mean work binders, papers, empty water bottles,  sweaters, fast food wrappers dirty. I double lane parked next to him and waved him off into the night.

Lesson learned: Keep my car date ready

Summary:
One of my friends had warned me about dating.  She had said she would rather go back to any guy she had had a relationship in the past rather than begin dating. Despite her warning, I was inevitably excited about beginning the process.  I expected it to be awkward, but it wasn't until I parked my car and my stomach turned into itself that I realized how nervous I actually was. Dating, I imagine, is like a casting call for a commercial for a product you're not sure you'll want to endorse. Being as this is my first date, I can't help but wonder if sparks are something that we have to create or something that is independent of circumstance. Furthermore, how many "sparks" is it fair to expect, especially for someone as cynical as myself? If a guy is perfectly nice and you find that you like his blunt honesty, is that enough to pursue a second date, or should one hold out for that guy that the movies portray as that poor carpenter/musician/anyone you would never consider dating, but who despite it all sweeps you off your feet in a series of ridiculous lovey-dovey scenes with your favorite love song playing in the background? I don't have the answer. Only experience will tell, so onward we go. One down, nineteen to go :)

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Shmexting

There is an in between state, between meeting somebody and actually going on a date, and for me, it is filled with mines. I blame the modern impersonal forms of communication a little bit, but only for giving me a medium to be my jagged self. Like most deliciously sarcastic people, I can't resist a good set up.  Texting, and facebooking (what day to day interaction with most people has been sadly reduced to) gives someone like myself too much time. Time for my brain to go through anywhere from 5 to 15 different scenarios and responses of which the appropriate "nice" response is always least appealing.

Texting has added a whole new puzzling component to dating. I now not only have to
(1) Look cute enough to attract attention from a male (2) Smile and be pleasant and approachable (not an easy feat for me) (3) Feign interest and maintain a conversation long enough to figure out if a guy is a serial killer/drunk/whore (4) Give him my phone number to potentially set something up (5) Wait around to see if he was actually interested but thanks to text messages, I also have to hold back my crazy/sarcasm/bitchiness and pretend to be some neutral giggly skank via text for a week or however long until I actually get to go out on a date. It's almost too much for my apathy to handle.

Here's some rules for texting I wish all guys would know: 

1) Call or text the next day to say something polite like "It was nice meeting you, I look forward to seeing you again." I don't know why or when waiting three days to contact a girl became common knowledge, but trust me I'm not waiting by the phone for three days and then have a seizure of joy when the phone rings and some unknown number shows up from a guy I talked to for fifteen minutes on Friday night. I'm over it, and I have labeled you as "that guy that waits three days (insert eye roll)"

2) Don't call me baby. You don't know me.  I hang out with small children all day and baby is an insult in my circle of toddler friends. If it is not my name, don't use it as a pronoun.

3) Don't misspell things.  Know the limits to your vocabulary. I'm not impressed when you misspell "comfartable" (comfortable) and furthermore I am significantly peeved when you use the wrong form of their or your.

4) Don't ask for my picture. You should remember what I look like. I don't want to be part of the portrait collection on your phone.

5) Skip the sexual innuendos. I get it ,you probably want to sleep with me, I figured that out when you approached me and asked for my number. Let's reel it in for a minute and attempt subtlety.

I was recently on a road trip with some friends in which one friend kept bringing up "sexting." She kept asking if people were"sexting" and was utterly convinced it was rampant in the youth of today. From news reports and morning shows' fascination with it, it might very well be. This is discouraging on many levels, but on a personal level it is discouraging to my venture of this so called "dating experiment." It tells me there's all types of people willing to play along when they get some ridiculous text like "Are you going to wear something sexy?" And that my answer of  "Yes, probably some khaki Bermudas and a loose fitting polo shirt" (hilarious as I find it) will always be under appreciated compared to the girl who in turn sends a picture of herself blowing kisses at the bathroom mirror while wearing lingerie.

Summary of what I have learned after blowing potential dates with two candidates because of my audacity via text:  Texting someone you don't know is ridiculous but alas a necessary evil. And although I will never be a "sexter,"  I will go with the appropriate "nice" response from here on out and save all of my crazy/sarcasm/bitchiness for when I am actually sitting in front of the guy.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Long Term Girl

Anyone that knows anything about me, knows that I'm what I can only describe as a "long-term" girl.   It boils down to this: at twenty-five, while many of my peers have dabbled in double digits when it comes to sexual partners, jobs, apartments, I have had two jobs and two (that's right two) sexual partners (or boyfriends if you will). One job I held for five years and I detached from so slowly that I still worked the first year as I eased into my new one. As for boyfriends, the first one I was with for six years and the second for close to one year (I should mention the second one I knew for twelve years prior).   So there you have it, I'm a long term girl. I choose not to say stable, because that would be misleading.  My relationships have had all the fights, breakups, drama just at a much higher ratio per boy.

There are a few key perks to being a long term girl, mainly comfort level. Being a long term girl means the world is your old pair of sweats and t-shirt.  Other girls enjoy putting on makeup for the evening and that new dress; they go out into the night in search of a new adventure. Us, long term girls, we enjoy slipping into the familiar, barefaced and barefoot.  So the boys in my life have been the old jersey shirts I wake up with and wear through the day, to clean my bathroom, do laundry with and run out and pick up take out with.

You can imagine my horror then, when my second relationship ended and I found I could no longer afford to be a long term girl (at least where men are involved).  Twenty-five flips a switch in most of us.  I think it is often misrepresented by a biological clock (a desperate insatiable need to pop out spawn), when it is actually more of a reality check. For me it was a realization that I was twenty five and had never dated. Two men is a mighty small pool from which to derive or identify characteristics/ likes or dislikes that will help me to identify the man that will make me so insanely happy that  I might begin to consider spending the rest of my life with him.  In other words, how will I identify cashmere if I have been swearing by two polyester blend fabrics? It leaves me susceptible to thinking the first 100% cotton shirt I have a fling with is the one!

So, I am putting on makeup. I am straightening my hair and playing dress up.  I will put long term girl on the shelf and begin a dating experiment, where I date several men without allowing any of them to become long term anything. And this is something I will begin...as soon as I figure out where to start.