Sunday, October 31, 2010

Shmexting

There is an in between state, between meeting somebody and actually going on a date, and for me, it is filled with mines. I blame the modern impersonal forms of communication a little bit, but only for giving me a medium to be my jagged self. Like most deliciously sarcastic people, I can't resist a good set up.  Texting, and facebooking (what day to day interaction with most people has been sadly reduced to) gives someone like myself too much time. Time for my brain to go through anywhere from 5 to 15 different scenarios and responses of which the appropriate "nice" response is always least appealing.

Texting has added a whole new puzzling component to dating. I now not only have to
(1) Look cute enough to attract attention from a male (2) Smile and be pleasant and approachable (not an easy feat for me) (3) Feign interest and maintain a conversation long enough to figure out if a guy is a serial killer/drunk/whore (4) Give him my phone number to potentially set something up (5) Wait around to see if he was actually interested but thanks to text messages, I also have to hold back my crazy/sarcasm/bitchiness and pretend to be some neutral giggly skank via text for a week or however long until I actually get to go out on a date. It's almost too much for my apathy to handle.

Here's some rules for texting I wish all guys would know: 

1) Call or text the next day to say something polite like "It was nice meeting you, I look forward to seeing you again." I don't know why or when waiting three days to contact a girl became common knowledge, but trust me I'm not waiting by the phone for three days and then have a seizure of joy when the phone rings and some unknown number shows up from a guy I talked to for fifteen minutes on Friday night. I'm over it, and I have labeled you as "that guy that waits three days (insert eye roll)"

2) Don't call me baby. You don't know me.  I hang out with small children all day and baby is an insult in my circle of toddler friends. If it is not my name, don't use it as a pronoun.

3) Don't misspell things.  Know the limits to your vocabulary. I'm not impressed when you misspell "comfartable" (comfortable) and furthermore I am significantly peeved when you use the wrong form of their or your.

4) Don't ask for my picture. You should remember what I look like. I don't want to be part of the portrait collection on your phone.

5) Skip the sexual innuendos. I get it ,you probably want to sleep with me, I figured that out when you approached me and asked for my number. Let's reel it in for a minute and attempt subtlety.

I was recently on a road trip with some friends in which one friend kept bringing up "sexting." She kept asking if people were"sexting" and was utterly convinced it was rampant in the youth of today. From news reports and morning shows' fascination with it, it might very well be. This is discouraging on many levels, but on a personal level it is discouraging to my venture of this so called "dating experiment." It tells me there's all types of people willing to play along when they get some ridiculous text like "Are you going to wear something sexy?" And that my answer of  "Yes, probably some khaki Bermudas and a loose fitting polo shirt" (hilarious as I find it) will always be under appreciated compared to the girl who in turn sends a picture of herself blowing kisses at the bathroom mirror while wearing lingerie.

Summary of what I have learned after blowing potential dates with two candidates because of my audacity via text:  Texting someone you don't know is ridiculous but alas a necessary evil. And although I will never be a "sexter,"  I will go with the appropriate "nice" response from here on out and save all of my crazy/sarcasm/bitchiness for when I am actually sitting in front of the guy.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Long Term Girl

Anyone that knows anything about me, knows that I'm what I can only describe as a "long-term" girl.   It boils down to this: at twenty-five, while many of my peers have dabbled in double digits when it comes to sexual partners, jobs, apartments, I have had two jobs and two (that's right two) sexual partners (or boyfriends if you will). One job I held for five years and I detached from so slowly that I still worked the first year as I eased into my new one. As for boyfriends, the first one I was with for six years and the second for close to one year (I should mention the second one I knew for twelve years prior).   So there you have it, I'm a long term girl. I choose not to say stable, because that would be misleading.  My relationships have had all the fights, breakups, drama just at a much higher ratio per boy.

There are a few key perks to being a long term girl, mainly comfort level. Being a long term girl means the world is your old pair of sweats and t-shirt.  Other girls enjoy putting on makeup for the evening and that new dress; they go out into the night in search of a new adventure. Us, long term girls, we enjoy slipping into the familiar, barefaced and barefoot.  So the boys in my life have been the old jersey shirts I wake up with and wear through the day, to clean my bathroom, do laundry with and run out and pick up take out with.

You can imagine my horror then, when my second relationship ended and I found I could no longer afford to be a long term girl (at least where men are involved).  Twenty-five flips a switch in most of us.  I think it is often misrepresented by a biological clock (a desperate insatiable need to pop out spawn), when it is actually more of a reality check. For me it was a realization that I was twenty five and had never dated. Two men is a mighty small pool from which to derive or identify characteristics/ likes or dislikes that will help me to identify the man that will make me so insanely happy that  I might begin to consider spending the rest of my life with him.  In other words, how will I identify cashmere if I have been swearing by two polyester blend fabrics? It leaves me susceptible to thinking the first 100% cotton shirt I have a fling with is the one!

So, I am putting on makeup. I am straightening my hair and playing dress up.  I will put long term girl on the shelf and begin a dating experiment, where I date several men without allowing any of them to become long term anything. And this is something I will begin...as soon as I figure out where to start.